Excellent pizza overrides niggles over venue

I’m thinking of writing a somewhat negative review for this place, I tell my faithful dining companion days after we’ve had dinner at Guido and the Goose. “Is that so?” she asks.

Let me rewind back a little bit.

It’s a Tuesday night and we decide to get dinner.

“Let’s go to Guido and the Goose,” my companion suggests. I stare at her blankly, unsure if she has just proposed a restaurant or blurted out a random sequence of unheard-of words.

“You know – the pizza place that’s been all over social media for the better part of a year,” she says.

I don’t know, but variety is the spice of life, and social media can’t be wrong.

I ask my dining companion if I should take care of the reservations or will she. “They don’t do reservations,” she replies. “First come first served.”

Coin toss on the seating it is, then.

“It’ll be fine,” she says jovially, “It’s a Tuesday – how busy can it be?”

It was busy. Not a single table was free, and why would it be? The place is veritably tiny. The tables, even tinier. Calling them tables is generous, these are ‘occasional tables’, bistro stands, if you will.

I mutter something about how we should’ve just ordered in. “They don’t do delivery,” she replies.

Of course they don’t.

We wait, and wait some more, until a group of cool kids vacates their stoop. With mongoose-like reflexes, and as Italian soft rock seeps from the speakers, we bob and weave our way to the table and sit.

We may not have won the first coin toss, but we’re here now.

We’re just off Makarios Avenue in Nicosia, on a quiet, tree-lined street. The front of the eatery is lit by two dim red bulbs, augmented by scattered streetlights. Music hums at a level that won’t interrupt conversation. It’s actually quite serene – if not for the ever-watchful 360 Nicosia tower looming over us like the Eye of Sauron.

I head to order. It’s self-service. The menu is a square chalkboard mounted beside the window. In the top left corner, barely legible and bathed in red light, a note: card only.

I greet the young woman behind the counter and order a €15 spicy salami pizza and a draught beer (330ml) for €6. My companion gets a prosciutto and pecorino pizza.

The pizzas arrive some 15 minutes later in open cardboard boxes, cut into six slices each. The waitress pulls up a second quasi-table; two pizzas were never going to fit on one.

We dig in. And credit where credit is due: the pizzas are delicious. The ingredients are balanced. The cheese is not overwhelming, the sweet and sour marinara sauce is just right, allowing the spicy sausage to take centre stage while the pickles elevate the mouthfeel of the pizza in a subtle way.

The way the pizza is crafted feels thoughtful.

For the second pizza that my companion ordered – substitute the spicy salami for the prosciutto and the result is the same. On top of that, the rucola added a wonderful, nuanced depth.

Despite initially being somewhat unsure about ordering two pizzas and our ability to finish the same, we did admirably and saw the food off with no problem.

The problem here is not the food, or the tables, or even the slightly steep prices (€6 for a small plastic cup of beer feels like daylight robbery).

It’s not even with this particular restaurant, per se. ‘We’re just a pizza parlour’ reads the restaurant’s Instagram page, after all.

My issue is with the sort of forced blasé pretentiousness that has crept into eating out, in part thanks to places like this.

No delivery, no reservations – it doesn’t feel organic in a capital city like Nicosia. It feels phoney, it feels like a calculated gimmick to generate buzz – to appear “underground” while playing the social media game loud and proud.

I get it. Dining out is about more than food – it’s an experience now. But sometimes, it should just be about the food.

And that’s the shame of it. Because Guido and the Goose serves tremendous food.

I need a beer.

VITAL STATISTICS

SPECIALTY: Italian pizza

WHERE: Guido and the Goose, Stasandrou 4, Nicosia

WHEN: Tuesday-Friday: 7-11pm, Saturday-Sunday: 12-3pm & 6-11pm, Monday: Closed

CONTACT: 96 992443

HOW MUCH: €12 – €15 for a pizza